Who I Am At This Moment...

My name is Deena and I am the first sister out of three girls.  I live in Detroit, Michigan, by choice.  I am 37 years old and live with a PTSD-plagued dog, named Arbitro, and a slithery cat, named Serpente.

Like most eldest siblings, I was not always happy to have siblings.  My mother tells me that I loved the idea of having a little sister and then two little sisters, but somewhere around age 10, I wanted no more to do with them until the age of 19, when our father suddenly died.  By that time, we each had our own strained relationships with our mother and I knew without having to be told and with just as instant realization that I had squandered years of sisterhood. 

In the 18 years since, things have not been perfect.  The youngest, M., and I lived together for about two and a half years.  We look back and say that the first six months were the hardest and loudest.  Our second generation Italian-American fiery "discussions," were embarassingly heard by all nearby neighbors, but worth it because she and I are incredibly close and if more than three days go by without a text, call, email, or Facebook Poke one or the other sends in the calvary in the form of a text that says, "You better call/ text soon before I tell Facebook "X" about you."  The middle sister, A., and I still fight once every three to five months.  I think we do it more out of habit or boredom to remind each other of the old days.  I have more than once said that I don't feel complete since they live in other states and consider regularly moving to be closer to them.

I was conceived in Detroit, justated in Dearborn, born in Detroit, grew up in Dearborn, higher-educated in East Lansing, tried and despised Royal Oak, and returned to Detroit in 1999.  If I live in Michigan, I don't want to live any where else, except one other place... where love is, but wouldn't it be great it was in Detroit?  I work in Detroit.  I try to shop in Detroit, but there is not a Target here (fingers crossed for the fulfillment of a long ago rumor that they want to go downtown).  I believe in Detroit.  I love Detroit.  A new person in my life says that I love the struggle of Detroit.  After my initial eyebrow raising and mouth opening to reply that he did not know me, the lightbulb went on and I learned I do love the struggle.  Detroit will die or Detroit will thrive.  I recently read an article about all of the creative entrepreneurial upstarts in Detroit and a philosophy professor, I believe, said, and I paraphrase, that all big cities will eventually share Detroit's struggles and how Detroit survives will map out their successes, if Detroit fails, they are surely to fail as well.

I start this blog as part of my process to make sure I don't lose sight of my potential and my abilities to create.  I start this in Detroit and I will forever be The First Sister.